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Last week I said I would do the following:

  1. Journal or tap (or both) everyday to root out cause of depression/anxiety
  2. Fix depression/anxiety
  3. Find and reach out to at least ONE website centered on film/movies, and offer my awesome writing services
  4. Diversify my writing portfolio every day

Tapping has helped me relieve some of this depression/anxiety.  I’m still not exactly sure of the main root, but I’m feeling better, so I guess that’s important.

I really haven’t had a lot of time to diversify my writing portfolio or reach out to one website a day, due to my training at a local SAT tutoring center.  That, and I’ve been doing some side tasks for a great local broker.  So, I don’t feel too bad about not completing the above tasks, but I still want to find time for them.

Hmm, so I guess the best thing to do right now is to figure out a way to fit in the following into my daily routine:

  1. Find and reach out to at least ONE website centered on film/movies, and offer my awesome writing services
  2. Diversify my writing portfolio every day

Other than that, my life is almost a 180 from what it was 6 months ago – I have multiple job offers, I’m training at a great tutoring center, I’m working with an experienced broker, and I have a phone interview with Amazon today!  Woo-hoo!

Next week:

Figure out a way to fit in the following into my daily routine:

  1. Find and reach out to at least ONE website centered on film/movies, and offer my awesome writing services
  2. Diversify my writing portfolio every day

Last week I said I would do the following:

  1. Find and reach out to at least ONE website centered on film/movies, and offer my awesome writing services
  2. Diversify my writing portfolio every day

OK, I definitely am depressed about something, which is a big factor in my lack of action.  You’d think I would be over the moon excited about finally securing a job.  I worried this would happen – I would still worry even after securing a job.  Worried I would screw something up.  Worried people would see that I’m incompetent.  Also, I do better at executing personally-assigned tasks when I’m at home.  I’m getting better at doing them while at my boyfriend’s house, but there’s still a big difference.

Next week:

  1. Journal or tap (or both) everyday to root out cause of depression/anxiety
  2. Fix depression/anxiety
  3. Find and reach out to at least ONE website centered on film/movies, and offer my awesome writing services
  4. Diversify my writing portfolio every day

 

 

Last week I said I would do the following:

Stick with following workout routine and monitor results:

M: 12 min tabata + chest/back strength training, myotatic crunches & cat vomit, pullups

T: 20 min tabata

W: 12 min tabata + biceps/triceps strength training, pullups

R: 20 min tabata

F: 12 min tabata + legs strength training, myotatic crunches & cat comit, pullups

Sat: 20 min tabata

Sun: REST

Well I’ve been doing a good job at sticking with the above routine.  It’s only been 2 weeks, so I haven’t seen massive progress yet, which is frustrating.  I’m still doing great about eating a balanced meal very 3-4 hours, so I feel good about that.

Not sure what else to add, as I just need to monitor my progress or lack thereof.

Next week:

Stick with following workout routine and monitor results:

M: 12 min tabata + chest/back strength training, myotatic crunches & cat vomit, pullups

T: 20 min tabata

W: 12 min tabata + biceps/triceps strength training, pullups

R: 20 min tabata

F: 12 min tabata + legs strength training, myotatic crunches & cat comit, pullups

Sat: 20 min tabata

Sun: REST

 

Stumbled Upon this really useful fitness article describing the 4 main areas of the body to work out, and which exercises to do.  I wish I had known this highly valuable information long ago.

“How to Get a Complete Workout with Nothing But Your Body”

15 min writing

Day one of my effort to write everyday, for at least 15 minutes:

Talked with my mom last night.  I’m so tired of seeing her struggle financially.  When one struggles their whole life with something, how can they turn it around?  Is it really in their power?  We need help from others – opportunities & support.  Where would I be if I didn’t have a safe home growing up?  What kind of mental state would I be in without emotionally grounded and financially stable parents?  Makes you sympathetic to homeless people; you don’t know someone’s story.

I feel so angry because I don’t know what I can do to help my mom, to help myself.  My entire family has struggled with money our whole lives.  It’s difficult sometimes to imagine us wealthy, because I’ve never experienced such an emotion or state of being.  It just seems so hard to believe.  I guess one could compare it to a fat person becoming skinny.  But, I immediately object – there is a basic understanding of how to lose weight – eat healthy and exercise.  I know there are gimmicks out there trying to sucker people out of their money through fad diets and fad weight machines, but for the most part, most people know that in order to lose weight, they just have to put in the work of eating right and exercising regularly.  Not so with money.  It seems there is an orgy of misleading information out there, trying even harder to sucker people out of their money.  Stay-at-home mom schemes, owning your own businesses schemes, blah blah blah.  It’s hard to know which one to trust, and who to trust.

Am I complaining?  A bit.  But I’m also a highly analytical person, so I feel I’m also searching for reasons how I got where i am, in order to better understand how to get myself out of it.  Is that so wrong?

I admit, I feel complaining is an old habit, as I used to do it a lot when I was younger. Seeing everyone around me in a better financial situation didn’t help matters.  “It’s all their fault!  My environment, my peers, my (lack of) mentors!”, I feel like screaming.  Point that finger.

What actions to take?  How to enjoy the journey at the same time?  How can one enjoy being poor?  I know they say you don’t have to have money in order to be happy.  But whoever says that apparently hasn’t had to live without money for a prolonged period.  Am I making excuses again?  Yes, I’m angry.  I’m angry that some people have to struggle financially, health-wise, etc, while others do not.  It’s not fair.  It’s not just.  “So what?”, a wise person might say.  “Go out there and be the change you want to see in the world”.  I’m trying.  I really am.  But the problem is, I haven’t seen or felt progress, and that can be one of the most debilitating feelings I’ve ever known.

What actions to take.  I want someone to tell me, to guide me.  I’m so tired of running into walls.  Not because I’m afraid of failure – I got over that recently – but because it seems like with money, every time you “fail”, you’re in a worse off situation than before, and life really does get more difficult due to lack of money.  How does one keep positive in such instances?  It’s funny how I often feel like my family and I are alone in our struggles, when I know there are tons of others in far worse situations than us.  But still, that hasn’t helped ease my pain for a while now…

Action.  What actions can downtrodden people take?  Where do we turn for support?  For a safe, stable haven?

Even if I am complaining, I debate whether I should “get it all out”, or just stop doing it.  I know that before, complaining wasn’t helping me progress closer to my goals, but now, I feel I’m just analyzing the reasons why I’m not moving fast enough or hardly at all, towards my goals.

Survey – Odds & Ends

Found this survey on the blog, “BetweenFearAndLove“.  I love filling out surveys.  I guess I love probing my mind and also seeing the responses of others.  Plus, this blog post made me realize that these can act as really fun digital time capsules.  So here we go:

June 27, 2012, 5:13 PM PST

1. What time did you get up this morning? 9:00AM – Bleh. I try to get up between 6-7, so I can get more shit done.

2.Diamonds or pearls? i prefer diamonds, as they are far more difficult to destroy.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? The Avengers – amazing

4. What is your favourite TV show? Currently it’s Parks & Rec, but I also love Off Their Rockers, Breaking Bad, & Dexter

5. What did you have for breakfast? 1 slice wheat toast, provologne cheese, salami, spinach, pesto, cucumber

6. What is your middle name? Christopher – Saint of Travel

7. What is your favourite cuisine?  Japanese

8. What is your favourite brand of chips?  Tim’s Cascade

9. What is your favourite CD at the moment?  Adele’s “21”

10. What kind of car do you drive?  Public transit.  Hope to have hybrid car soon!

11. Favourite sandwich? Anything with bacon, salami, and avocado.

12. Favourite item of clothing? Grey hoodie with track lines down the arms

13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? It changes, but right now, Japan with my younger sister.

14. What is your greatest accomplishment in the last month?  Having some job interviews lined up at places I actually want to work

15. Favourite brand of clothing?  I suppose American Eagle, but lately I have been disappointed in their collections.

16. Where would you retire to? anywhere close to the ocean, my family, and temperate weather

17. Favourite time of the day? night

18. What was your most memorable birthday?  Wow, I actually am a little stumped on this one.  This last one (28) was pretty memorable, because Dustin threw me a wonderful surprise party.

19. Where were you born? Manhattan, NY

20. Favourite sport to watch?  I don’t watch sports.  If I have to pick, maybe gymnastics or wushu

21. Who is your support network/group?  My mom, younger sister, younger brother, Dustin, Shann.

22. What have you realized recently?  In order to work through a limiting belief (in my case, money), I need to absolve my past experiences that gave contributed to it.

23. What is a new habit you have picked up?  Chanting in the mornings (thanks to Ray) and evenings

24. Coffee or tea?  Hmmm, so many different types of tea – green, black, herbal.  I gotta go with tea.

25. What do you want to be doing a year from now?  Living with Dustin in a place we love, loving what I do.

26. The biggest challenge of the past year?  Jumping from job to unemployment to job to unemployment.  Arguably one of the worst periods of my life.

27.  Most prized possession? My aging MacBook.  I’m excited to get a new MacBook Pro!

28. Current goal?  To have a job(s) where I am free, creative, wealthy, & inspiring.  To have a 6-pack, so I can feel accomplished and confident.

Feel free to share or post your responses here.  Also, if you know of any other fun surveys, please let me know!

 

Last week I said I would do the following:

  1. Find and reach out to other websites centered on film/movies, and offer my awesome writing services
  2. Diversify my writing portfolio every day
  3. Reach out and help at least one person a day (called “giving The Gift” in the book, The Gift).  This has basically become a habit by now, since it gives me such joy, so I won’t be listing this as a task anymore

I have not been reaching out to other websites and offering my writing services, because I suppose I was celebrating my new job prospects by not doing a damn thing.  Funny how I even want to take a break from things I enjoy.  Part of the problem may be the thought of reaching out to an undefined number of websites.  So, I will reach out to at least one website every day.

Have not been diversifying my writing portfolio, though I found a fun writing exercise, which I will post today.

My interview with the tutoring center went well; now I just have to finish a take-home SAT.  God I remember how difficult math was for me back then and even now.

I’ve been leaving my schedule this week clear, in case Aerotek sets up interviews with Amazon for me.  I have a phone interview on Friday for a cool company, so that’s exciting.

It’s funny how, despite going to networking events and reaching out to my network for work, all these job prospects are coming to me through other, random ways (i.e., craigslist, staffing agency finding my resume from two years ago)

Next week:

  1. Find and reach out to at least ONE website centered on film/movies, and offer my awesome writing services
  2. Diversify my writing portfolio every day

 

Last week I said I would do the following:

  1. Do full body workout before & after meals
  2. Continually be on the lookout for a 20-lbs kettlebell
  3. Eat 4-5 meals per day
  4. Do myotatic crunch & cat vomit exercise 2X/week
  5. Add kettlebell routine before breakfast, 3X/week
  6. Do one of two love handles workouts from Kozak Sports Perform 2-3 days after core workout
  7. Do pullups every other day

I have given up on doing a full body workout before & after meals, because doing pullups MWF is draining enough.  Plus, I believe results will come from doing more strength training in general, as opposed to doing it just before meals.  But, perhaps I just need to master strength training my muscle groups first, and then I can experiment with doing a full body workout before meals.

Been very good about eating every 3-4 hours.  What’s more, I’ve been doing great about ensuring I eat a dark green veggie (mostly spinach), protein, and a complex carb at each meal.  I’m really starting to believe that diet is a huge factor in getting results.  If it weren’t for the state, I would not be able to afford such nutritious food on a regular basis, so thank you, Washington state!

Been doing myotatic crunches & cat vomit exercises 2X/week.  After reading more and more fitness articles claiming that you can actually work the abs more frequently than other muscle groups, I’m brainstorming of an ab workout routine.  I’m thinking of doing what this really great fitness instructor, Davey Wavey, does – work on the upper abs one day, lower abs one day, and the entire core another day.

I discontinued doing a kettlebell routine because I think it was giving me lower back pain.  I think this is due to me using a dumbbell to do the prescribed kettlebell swing; perhaps the grip is too high on a dumbbell.  I have been doing more deadlifts as a sort of replacement, since those are great compound exercises.

I have been brainstorming about the best strength training routine, and I think I’m going to copy Davey Wavey’s personal routine, where he does chest/forearms one day, biceps one day, shoulders/back one day, then legs/triceps one day, with ab exercises peppered here and there.

Next week:

Stick with following workout routine and monitor results:

M: 12 min tabata + chest/back strength training, myotatic crunches & cat vomit, pullups

T: 20 min tabata

W: 12 min tabata + biceps/triceps strength training, pullups

R: 20 min tabata

F: 12 min tabata + legs strength training, myotatic crunches & cat comit, pullups

Sat: 20 min tabata

Sun: REST

 

Desire to be impactful

While watching movie trailers yesterday, I found one in particular (“The Perks of Being a Wallflower”) that made me realize I could finally put into words a longstanding desire of mine:

To be captured forever in a moment of ecstasy, exhilaration, passion, beauty, liberation, rage, or any type of power.  

This deep desire is probably behind my reason for wanting to be a model.  You can look at a photo and be affected by it so much in an incredibly short amount of time.  From just one second’s glance.  That’s powerful.  I love films and music videos for being able to portray a powerful human emotion in a beautiful way as well, but photography seems to be the fastest way of invoking a feeling in the viewer.

This might sounds like a childish wish, but I want to live forever.  But, I know that’s currently not possible .  So the next best thing is to create something or be a part of something that does last forever.  Art always come to my mind – photography, film, music.

I want people to remember me.  My face.  My body.  My legacy.  A legacy of what?  I’m not really sure yet; a positive legacy, for sure.  I don’t want to be considered vane, but I just want to be remembered.  A stark photograph, a powerful music video (with hopefully equally impressive music), a cult film…. I want to be immortalized in a breathtakingly beautiful form.

Last week I said I would do the following:

  1. Check craigslist everyday for writing & modeling jobs
  2. Find and reach out to other websites centered on film/movies, and offer my awesome writing services
  3. Diversify my writing portfolio every day
  4. Reach out and help at least one person a day (called “giving The Gift” in the book, The Gift)
  5. Figure out how to install Google Ad Sense on this blog (having trouble)

Like I mentioned in my accompanying Body post, these past two weeks have been a low point in my life.  I’m so sick of not having an income, so sick of job hunting, so sick of going to networking events… I debated whether or not to talk about this, but I think it’s important to showcase all aspects of a journey, including struggle and hardship.

Let’s see, I’ve been checking craigslist every day for writing and modeling jobs.  Found some interesting positions for which I applied, so I’m waiting to hear back.

I do need to do better about diversifying my portfolio.  In defense, I’ve been revising a test article a social media marketing company, so that’s been great practice.

I’ve been getting better about asking more questions of people, as I try to figure out how to help them.  Oddly enough, it can be tough to figure out exactly what people want and what I can do for them in that moment.

The Google Ad Sense has been really frustrating.  I’ve decided to put it on the back burner, since I feel I could be devoting more time to job hunting.  I’m thinking of switching to Blogger so I can easily install Google Adsense.

*UPDATE*

I started the above post yesterday, and today, I have two interviews set up with amazing companies!!!  An overwhelming feeling of joy, relief, and happiness has been hitting me in waves all day today.  I have my first interview tomorrow, and another next Tuesday.  The one for next Tuesday, I have to come up with a 15 minute lesson plan and teach it, which should be exciting.  I will create that tomorrow at the latest.

Next week:

  1. Find and reach out to other websites centered on film/movies, and offer my awesome writing services
  2. Diversify my writing portfolio every day
  3. Reach out and help at least one person a day (called “giving The Gift” in the book, The Gift).  This has basically become a habit by now, since it gives me such joy, so I won’t be listing this as a task anymore